Monday, October 29, 2007
I started a screamfest at this ugly yucky lizard which was lurking at the wall above my bedroom's doorway. One thing I find retardedly funny about all my encounters with that same kinda pests is that I'll just jump around, start screaming or make funny noises WITHOUT even having the guts to do anything to it. The closest I did today is to spray insecticide from afar. Which of course did little to kill the damn creature as it only JUMPED from one spot to another which made me scream even more. At least it's not as bad as when I had a similar encounter when I was all alone at home. Coz the thing did some sorta acrobatic stunts while I was in my living room and after which it sped all the way into my room. And all through out I was just shouting and yelling like nobody's business. And then it decided to play hide and sick and I think I was so terrified, it must have seemed like as though a stray crocodile had gotten into my room. And then the damn thing fooled around at the dry box before making it's way to the outer part of my window, its underside facing the inside of my room. YUCKS. It got worse when it eventually crawled onto my curtains coz apparently, a part of my window was not shut. More screaming and this time I took a bloody bamboo pole from the kitchen and started poking at the curtain through the squares of my window grille. Yup, and more screamings followed. Anybody who heard the commotion must have though that I had gone NUTS! Ughhhhh. I dread waking up early tomorrow to use the toilet coz I don't wanna see anymore of those creepy crawlies...they've turned my toilet into their goddamned port!And guess what? I now have the rights to BURN all my malay lit stuffz! Coz exam's today and it's a killer as usual and I know I'm gonna be hell bent toast. But whatever, point is, I no longer have to pore through endless amount of poetic and flowery crap to justify my survival in this world. Alright alright, learning malay lit does have its benefits but I get really sick and tired of having to do so much analysis which does little wonders to my life in reality. Well, maybe I'll learn how to appreciate them later. Hmmm...The end of my malay paper marks the start of a hellish week up ahead. With three papers totally back to back though on alternate days which includes one day of pure torture with the gp and history paper crammed together. Thanks to whoever who came up with this year's schedule. NO BLOODY THANKS!I have finally achieved my goal to saved up my targeted basic minimum in my bank account. So this is the amount that's gonna be left untouched. It's meant for emergencies I guess, or when I feel the need to go for a holiday on my own. That is considered an emergency too ya know. Haha. And somehow, after being able to settle down for what I had set my mind to, in terms of my savings, it does not seems enough now. I am trying to figure out ways to make my money grow and to kick away my habit of shopping impulsively for mindless stuff. So if I decide to save up from now until I turn, say 25 (at that, it means I'm gonna have to account for every single cents I have with me, be it allowances or part-time job earnings), do you think I'll be able to buy myself a PINK CONVERTIBLE?Well, I can always dream...ha ha ha (and you do know that when I type out my laughter this way, I am really being sarcastic. hah!)
Drifted Away @ 10:11 PM
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Alright, after 14 hours worth of sleep, I think I'm feeling so much better now. No thanks to the flu-like syndrome the day before. Haha.I guess now, I am sorta preparing myself for the biggest screw-up in my entire life. I know, very negative. But it's better that way before I lose grasp in my own life. Tell me why, the most crucial moments in your life led the the unravelling of unwanted truths? I wanna be able to have my pillars that I can depend on but everything happens to let me down a lot of times. I am supposed to overlook all that and accept life and it's challenges at the face value. That means insignificant whatever.6 more days...Pray hard for me please...
Drifted Away @ 6:54 AM
Friday, October 19, 2007
I've half a mind to sound all emo in melayu. But whatever, I'll save that for another day. With a spiral notebook in hand, sitting on rock number one, on a quiet early morning, jotting down all thoughts that are running through my head. I miss rock number one.And really, I do have some time to spare to head over to east coast. Logically yeah, but my heart keep telling me not to. Maybe it's better that I get the exams over and done with before I start heading over to my favourite place all over again. Like I'm supposed to close a chapter before starting on a new one. That's what I've always perceived rock number one. A blank start. Hope. Coz everytime I placed myself down on rock number one to cool off after my jog, I would have forgotten all about the pain trying to sustain myself jogging the entire distance without stopping. It's the moment that I laid my hands on rock number one. The moment I would have made amends with myself. Peace and solitude.Somehow exam prep is not going well and all I wanna do is to get it over and done with. Maybe that's why I'm itching to head over to rock number one. I just wanna close this whole chapter a.s.a.p. I wanna be able to regain back my balance. As much as I wanna think that the exams is yet another stepping stone, I've not taken full advantage of it. Guilty as charged. And I know I'm gonna regret this phase of my life. What I can do, for myself and for those whom I hold so close to my heart, to walk the road in my rhythm put my faith in the hands of time to live in courage and wisdom always keep my head up high. Keep my head up high, no matter how tough things are getting. I feel like such a wreck but I don't wanna give up.I prayed to Allah to give me true love in my life, He gave me His almost immediate reply to my prayers. But I freaked out and subsequently stopped asking from Allah to ever give me true love in my life. I thought I had almost gotten the one who could be my significant other. I saw with my own eyes but it was too much for me to comprehend. I don't think I was prepared. But I'm not really giving up ya know, I merely need more time and space to understand what this life is really all about. And the time will come soon. Maybe later. Sigh. But I'll never stop praying to Allah, asking from him to help me through my darkest moments.I really need to go for a jog. Even a slow one will do. I promise not to judge myself. I promise to wake up early tomorrow for a slow jog. A breather, that I've been craving for, for so long. I promise. Ya Allah, please help me fulfill my own promise. Please do.
Drifted Away @ 12:47 AM
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I can't believe that I'm skipping graduation tea just because I'm too lazy to stake out the shopping places for anything decent to wear. And no, I do not have anything good enough in my wardrobe because I've always relied heavily on t-shirts and jeans and there are a whole bunch of other clothes that I can no longer fit it, thanks to bloody expansionism. Ok, there are some tacky tops that I got myself from M&S but they are totally no-go. Dratz. So now, I'm left awake in the wee hours of the night wondering if I'd ever regret not going to the damn event. The thing is I would haul my butts to the event if I'd have enough time to get my outfit despite the initial reluctance. Like I was left with just a day to try and put together 'smart casual' do plus a pair of footwear which I wouldn't even know where to get from, thanks to my giant-sized feet (uhmm, size 12 please?). And the fact that I've 13 days left to the exams and have barely done enough revision, puts me off from dabbling with the idea of a few hours of fun-filled-pretty-outfits-happy-people affair. I'm just feeling guilty. BOTH for not having studied enough and for bailing out of a quite important event. Bleah.Atually I'd wanted to blog about some emotionally-driven happenstance. But I guess I'll just save it for another day. In the meantime, I have tons of work to catch up with. So till laters...
Drifted Away @ 12:41 AM