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Friday, October 19, 2007

I've half a mind to sound all emo in melayu. But whatever, I'll save that for another day. With a spiral notebook in hand, sitting on rock number one, on a quiet early morning, jotting down all thoughts that are running through my head. I miss rock number one.

And really, I do have some time to spare to head over to east coast. Logically yeah, but my heart keep telling me not to. Maybe it's better that I get the exams over and done with before I start heading over to my favourite place all over again. Like I'm supposed to close a chapter before starting on a new one.

That's what I've always perceived rock number one. A blank start. Hope. Coz everytime I placed myself down on rock number one to cool off after my jog, I would have forgotten all about the pain trying to sustain myself jogging the entire distance without stopping. It's the moment that I laid my hands on rock number one. The moment I would have made amends with myself. Peace and solitude.

Somehow exam prep is not going well and all I wanna do is to get it over and done with. Maybe that's why I'm itching to head over to rock number one. I just wanna close this whole chapter a.s.a.p. I wanna be able to regain back my balance. As much as I wanna think that the exams is yet another stepping stone, I've not taken full advantage of it. Guilty as charged.

And I know I'm gonna regret this phase of my life. What I can do, for myself and for those whom I hold so close to my heart, to walk the road in my rhythm put my faith in the hands of time to live in courage and wisdom always keep my head up high. Keep my head up high, no matter how tough things are getting. I feel like such a wreck but I don't wanna give up.

I prayed to Allah to give me true love in my life, He gave me His almost immediate reply to my prayers. But I freaked out and subsequently stopped asking from Allah to ever give me true love in my life. I thought I had almost gotten the one who could be my significant other. I saw with my own eyes but it was too much for me to comprehend. I don't think I was prepared. But I'm not really giving up ya know, I merely need more time and space to understand what this life is really all about. And the time will come soon. Maybe later. Sigh. But I'll never stop praying to Allah, asking from him to help me through my darkest moments.

I really need to go for a jog. Even a slow one will do. I promise not to judge myself. I promise to wake up early tomorrow for a slow jog. A breather, that I've been craving for, for so long. I promise. Ya Allah, please help me fulfill my own promise. Please do.


Drifted Away @ 12:47 AM