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Tuesday, October 02, 2007

I've chucked the laptop under my bed just so I won't get too distracted whilst getting prepared for the upcoming exams. So far I managed to survive two days without it. And it's killing me already, which is why I'm back here, using the comp at the living room while watching the news. Hah.

Still, the thought of having to use an external charger for my Ipod screws me upside down only cause now, I can't update nor upload stuff and the things is, I'm using the battery operated charger because I do not have fifty-something bucks to get the damn charger. Just imagine the amount of money that's gonna be wasted on batteries man. At least for now I've some batt supply that has been paid for by my dad while we were out grocery shopping at the supermarket some time ago.

School has been very demoralising. I understand the teachers getting all concern and worried and all that. But what they don't realize is that, whatever revision plans they have are really meant for all the students who have a hundred percent of the subject contents up in their head. For those dazed idiots like me, it's already super hard to absorb everything much less stand out in the middle of the battle field with everybodyelse prepared and well-armed whreas I can't even seems to figure who are my nemesis. The thing is, I already feel stupid enough and the thought of sitting through classes with people who are so geared up just puts me off. Thus, I don't understand why the emphasize that we keep coming to school. Bleah.

It gets even worse when I keep getting a whole barrage of emotions coming down hard on me. And the closure of my main blog sparks off further resentment. Tell me why I can't seems to get over it. Maybe I am sick and tired of being treated "differently" and that a mere mistreatment or any form of injustice brought upon me will eventually send me exploding.

Guilt seeps in deeper when I know that I am not making enough effort to get in touch with my Maker. I get too carried away that sometimes just doing the prayers five times a day feels so draggy that I'd end up messing it all. Things are getting so tricky, I seek for Allah to pave this dark endless tunnel with his guidance and to shine some light as I make my way through. Amin.

Tough as it may seem I am not inclined to lose my grasp on everything. I've known and heard enough. It scares me to even think about it. I just hope that I do not fall prey into the trap of evil.

27 Days to exams...


Drifted Away @ 8:11 PM